I started this post 2 months ago and never got it finished. It needs to be put out there for those of you with or without disabilities and for those of you who struggle with wanting your life to be better… but it’s not.
For those of you who know me, you also know that I am legally blind in my left eye – I’ve posted about it before here
go to different eye doctors on a regular basis; my regular eye doctor who prescribes my glasses and watches for more cataracts, my glaucoma doctor, and my retina doctor. I suspect one reason my business took so long to pick up was because people wondered how or if I could see. I joke about it and tell them that when my bad eye bothers me, I just close it; something they can relate to, because they know they can see with one eye. One of the reasons for this post is because I want those of you out there who are going through hard times or have something you think you need in order to survive to know that it really is not the end of the world. It feels like it is when it first happens. You hit the panic mode and you are just sure this is the end of the world.
Actually, I have been very busy working on customer quilts lately. Yes, they continue to watch my other eye along with my “bad” eye. The bad eye has a section where the retina will never lay flat against the side of the eyeball. And, I recently had a lot of problems with my eye pressure. The Glaucoma doctor thought he was going to have to go back in and mess with that tube shunt. But, they got the pressure under control and it’s all good. As for my other eye, it plays tricks on me to scare me, I think. My retina doctor has told me that if I suspect even the tiniest bit that I have a problem to come in and get it checked out – I have learned my lesson.
As for being blind, while I was laying there on my side, I tried to hand sew using just my hands and touch. Your sense of touch heightens when your eyesight is in jeopardy. My retina doctor didn’t even want me to do that, and I suspect it is because of trying to thread a needle. I honestly do not know how I ever get a needle threaded anymore, but I do! A trick I’ve learned is to put my finger behind the hole of the needle to help me along. I don’t know how that helps me other than it gives me confidence in being able to thread the needle. I’ve bought needle threaders, too, but you need to be able to see the hole to get those threaders through. I think what got me through my ordeal was finding out about Diane Rose, the Amazing Quilter, who is blind in both eyes. You can see a YouTube video of her here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lfaSmDxVZQ
As for my quilting machine, I am saving my pennies to buy a computer for it. They are so expensive and I love, love, love doing freehand quilting. But, I don’t know what the future will bring, so I am trying to plan for it. I am also looking at creating different ergonomic (for the eyes, etc) notions for quilters. Bad things happen, but there was nothing I could do about it in my case, so I (finally) decided to just make the best of it; live with it and not complain. And, I also want people to believe that they can accomplish things beyond what they believe they are capable. I hope you know you can!
I remember trying to figure out why this happened to me; what the purpose was. One day I was feeling sorry for myself, because my depth perception was messed up due to having such low vision in one eye (it’s 20/400; I can see the big honking E and that’s about it, so that makes me legally blind) and I thought my mom was lucky because she didn’t have to deal with that – she ended up completely blind in one eye. And, then I laughed at myself, because I’m betting my mom would have traded with me to be able to see anything at all (blurred shadows) out of her blind eye. So, that is when I started thinking I was the lucky one. The weird thing about the messed up depth perception is that it makes the texture of my quilting pop out at me while I am quilting. For whatever reason, I can see well enough to quilt. And, in some ways, I think it makes it better for me. Maybe that was the plan God had for me, I don’t know. I DO hope my blog posts help other people. That’s the whole idea. And, I think that may have been a part of the bigger plan all along, too.
As for Diane Rose, she was what got me through the whole ordeal. The day I watched that video was the day I changed my attitude. If she could sew and make quilts being blind in both eyes, I needed to suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself.
Moral of the story… everyone has an issue, whether or not they admit it. The grass is not always greener on the other side. We can overcome many things; I think the secret is to maintain a positive attitude. Hang in there, folks! One day you will look back and see the lessons in whatever is your current cry-sis.